Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You made out with two different species that night
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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