dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
