she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Panties = found
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
