I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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