We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
