He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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