I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My life is pants optional.
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