brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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