plz talk dirty to me
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
