Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
