there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
