my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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