How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
