I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
