how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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