I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
