I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Shame is for Republicans.
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