why didn't you poke me back
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
