You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
