no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i dont even know how to be here
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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