Apparently you make a good broom.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
