I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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