remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
