Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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