I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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