I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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