I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
