you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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