I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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