i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
