You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
