would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
