kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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