I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
