this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
