I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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