are you still at the devil's house?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
