dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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