That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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