i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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