Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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