You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
