DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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