i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.