every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
