worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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