mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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