the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
