Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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