May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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