Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
