I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
