3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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