I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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