Will you blow on my dice?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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