So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
