Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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