It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
