I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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