after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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