she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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