there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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