thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
