i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
