it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
