I want to make a zoo with you.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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