I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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