Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
