So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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