Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
