new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
