Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
