If that was your dad, he is hot
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
